Relationships Part 2
By Benjamin Raven Pressley
The other day I was talking to a straight man that jokingly was talking about women and the problems they were having and jokingly said, “Now I understand why so many men are turning gay.” I informed him that there are now studies available that the problems between homosexual couples are much higher than heterosexual couples and that indulging in a homosexual relationship is not the solution. Here are a few facts from recent studies:
“In regards to homosexual couples and domestic violence, studies indicate that as a whole homosexual couples have higher rates of promiscuity than heterosexual couples. In addition, studies report that homosexual couples have significantly higher incidences of violent behavior… These studies are not surprising at all given what pathologists have stated regarding the commonness and brutality of homosexual murders.
“Regarding studies regarding homosexual couples and violence, a recent study by the Canadian government regarding homosexual couples states that “violence was twice as common among homosexual couples compared with heterosexual couples”. According the American College of Pediatricians who cite several studies, violence among homosexual couples is two to three times more common than among married heterosexual couples. In addition, the American College of Pediatricians states the following: “Homosexual partnerships are significantly more prone to dissolution than heterosexual marriages with the average homosexual relationship lasting only two to three years.” (WEB. Homosexual…)
This study is not meant to enter the heated debate of homosexuality vs. heterosexuality. Neither is it meant to bash homosexuals in any way. All people are due respect and should never be mistreated. God loves us all and we all need a savior. This is just one example that raises some valid concerns about relationships between a man and woman. One of the ways some people are dealing with these differences is to try a homosexual relationship. Many people try other ways to resolve the conflict that they perceive is attacking their happiness. Some deal with it through violence, control, manipulation, drug abuse, alcoholism….and the list goes on. None of these responses are solutions. In fact they exasperate the situation and make it worse.
I believe it is precisely the differences between a man and a woman that is one of the secrets of a successful union. And it is those same differences that make it difficult for a homosexual couple to have success. Homosexuality has never been and never will be a viable alternative to a meaningful relationship. A man and a woman have the unique opportunity to be as one on many levels, physically, spiritually and more, yet still not lose their individuality. The breakdown comes when one or both cannot see this and do not know how to harness the power of these differences to become one that brings about conflict and why they very often cannot make it together.
We are relational beings. We crave relationship with our fellow human beings. Yes, there are some rare exceptions around that seem to be perfectly content living alone for the most part. But even they seem to find fulfillment in some social interaction on some level, even if it is only on-line. Particularly we seem to crave and search for that one person who will be a special friend and companion. Usually that comes in the form of a committed relationship as husband and wife. In fact, in the account of creation in Genesis 1 and 2 it is recorded in every stage after creating something God saw that it was good. There was one thing though that He said was not good. Do you remember what it was? “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
I believe the structure of the trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit gives us some insight on how we as married couples can be as one and utilize even our differences to make us stronger together than we are apart. God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are separate entities yet are one. How can this be? They are one in mind, one in purpose, one in love (this includes whom they love). They accomplish one purpose together by executing their one purpose through the unique differences (gifts, powers, manifestations) they each have. There is absolutely no division or dispute because they are one in focus and purpose. They are absolutely about giving and not taking, as in, not taking selfishly for their own individual gratification. They are equal in power and authority. Not one task or purpose they execute is more important than another. Their every action is to accomplish one grand purpose. There are no separate agendas. They are of one mind and one accord.
Before I get too far though let me give you some scriptures that validate they are separate but one. When Jesus was baptized in water by John the Baptist we read “22 And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased.” (Luke 3:22). In this account we see Father, Son and Holy Spirit all present at once separately yet one. Deuteronomy 6:4 and Mark 12:29 both state, ‘our God, He is one.’ This is not a contradiction but a confirmation and in harmony with the scriptures and reality. Father, Son or Holy Spirit do not operate apart from one another as far as their agenda and purpose go.
Now read John 17 (Read the whole chapter please.). Jesus is praying for his disciples in the present and for those to come, i.e. us (John 17:20). As He is praying He prays: “21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. 22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: 23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. 24 Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world. 25 O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me. 26 And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.” (John 17:21-26).
Is it possible for a human being to be in one mind and one accord with God? It certainly is! “And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. 2 And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.”
(Acts 2:1-2). “That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15:6). “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” (1 Corinthians 1:10). “We have the mind of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 2:16) 4 There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; 5 One Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.”(Ephesians 4:4-6). I mean, if Jesus prayed for us to be one with Him (John 17) that should be good enough for us to strive toward being and live that way listening to the mind of Christ in us and not our flesh.
Now let’s apply that to a married couple. First let’s look at some scriptures. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24).
” 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:4-6).
” 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:28-33).
If things are really operating as they should and as God meant them to be a married man and woman that is living for God is Satan’s worst nightmare! Not only do they have the potential to be devastating to the devil together they also have the potential to reproduce and raise Godly children and fill this planet with God’s glory. “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” (Psalms 127:3-5)
Do you see why the family is so much under attack? If a family becomes one with God, then the church becomes one with God, then the country becomes one with God, and the world becomes one with God. That is what God wanted to happen ideally and it will be so in heaven. But in the meantime if you are ‘feeling’ my words ask God to speak to your heart and your spouse’s heart if you are married. God wants us to be one with Him. Can you imagine the potential?! It may never happen on a world-wide scale in this life but it can happen with you and your spouse. Stop arguing about who is in charge and serve one another and seek God’s direction and power. You cannot do this in your own power but though we are sent as sheep among wolves it is God’s plan for His children to be victorious. Read the end of the book! God and His people win!
Just as Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one, you, your spouse and God are meant to be one. Everything you do honors or dishonors your family, Everything you do honors or dishonors God. Everything you do is a blasphemy or praise to God. Every word and every act goes up to God like a prayer, whether good or bad. Your life should be a living prayer. Many primitive people knew that everything they did, every act or word, had a far reaching effect and considered every decision they made and how it would affect future generations. Many Native Americans lived like their life was a prayer going up to the creator. Prayer is not just an act of folding hands and mumbling a few words. Everything we do goes up to the creator. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to pray without ceasing. Maybe part of the meaning of that scripture is to be aware and let every act, every deed, every word be a prayer without ceasing. There used to be an old song that was done by an early contemporary Christian group called Second Chapter of Acts called ‘Make My Life A PrayerTo You’. It was also recorded by Keith Green. Look it up on You Tube or something. It will bless you. Do you get my point though? When a couple lies to each other or commits secret sins or has opposing separate agendas the gap between them grows and the oneness can eventually be broken. Sometimes it is an unfixable breach. It is like some silent, invisible disease. You just find yourself drifting farther and farther apart day by day and arguing more and can’t figure out why and before long it is like you don’t even know each other, let alone love each other.
In this world the enemy has successfully created a system where it is ‘all-about-me’. God’s system is not about you or me, per se. It is about functioning to our fullest potential in Him. So many married couples split up because they are afraid they have lost their individuality in their marriage. That is what the so-called ‘mid-life crisis’ is all about. Yet doing things God’s way is just the opposite. By becoming one with God and with your spouse your gifts and individuality shine like they never can on their own. The selfishness fades away. You become this shining, unbreakable, invincible bastion. People look at you and your spouse and they see three-in-one, You, your spouse and God, individually shining forth in your individual gifts yet one. Both husband and wife have to get this and want this though. It cannot happen if one or the other is seeking their own path. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). “Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” (Matthew 12:25). It is the oldest military strategy in the books, divide and conquer, and boy is the devil good at dividing. Not one task or purpose a couple executes should be more important than another. Not one gift that one or the other has is more important than the other. When you are joined together in God’s eyes you are one flesh (Genesis 2:24). It is no longer about one or the other. It is about the one person you have become. Does that mean you should always be together all the time? No, but it does mean even when apart from one another you still are one and whatever you do honors or dishonors the other. Whatever you do strengthens or weakens the bond you have and the spiritual power and understanding you have together.
You are stronger together than you are apart. “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Interesting the writer said a ‘three-fold’ cord. He is talking about two all through this passage then at the end speaks of a three-fold cord. Back to the trinity, i.e. Father, Son and Holy Spirit/ Husband, wife and God. “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Matthew 18:18-20). Are you seeing the pattern and the power here? Three as one….three-fold cord not easily broken….the power of agreement….in His name He is in midst? Individuals yet one. Only God can do this. “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” (Psalms 127:1). Are you ready to live the way God meant for you to live? Do you both together want to see what God can do when you partner with Him? It is time to stop settling for the mundane and let God be God in our marriages….in our families…in our church…in our nation….and in our world.
WEB. Homosexual Couples and Domestic Violence. http://www.conservapedia.com/Homosexual_Coupl